Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
