I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I need a burrito and a hug.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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