dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
