dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
