My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
