Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the day after is always just damage control
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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