My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize