I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
