Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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