Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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