She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize