I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
