my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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