doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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