I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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