my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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