singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
