There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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