So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
