If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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