The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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