Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
