I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
