i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
whose parrot is this?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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