also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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