Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
