So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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