I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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