Who wears a wallet chain?!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have grass duct taped all over my body
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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