Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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