Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
