Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
