I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
