i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
