dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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