Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
