I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
