96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
