I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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