I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
