Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
