That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
