i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
