You were right. It hurts to walk today.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
