mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i was born a porn star she said
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
