Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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