Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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