Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
