I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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