Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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