I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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