she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
