Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
