We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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