When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
