Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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