Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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