Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
