Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
