I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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