So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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