he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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