i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
