I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
