Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
