Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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