Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
