Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
