a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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