Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize