Dual....:-)
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
