I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We have so much sex to catch up on
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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