I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
