You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
