420 ftw
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
