so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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