I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
