My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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