I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
