I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
