the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
