It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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