I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
