she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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