the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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