so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
