I just cut my nipple shaving
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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