party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
