I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize