Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
