My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
