Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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