It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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