Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize