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dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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